All posts tagged: emotions

2016: One Beautiful Mess

  I am writing this after a walk and an online yoga session with my teacher, Annie Carpenter. My mind is still and my body at rest. The constant barrage of thoughts and worries have subsided and settled like little flakes at the bottom of a snow globe. On January 1, I was asked to think of one word to focus on for 2016. Of course, my immediate thought was “what’s a word that would cause some sort of improvement?” There must be a word to make me better, right? That’s what New Years Resolutions are all about! But, the inner experiences I have been through this month have urged me to see this concept of intention and focus through a different spiritual lense. I continue to wrestle with perfectionism. God bless. Sometimes I think this is my most important life lesson!  This week it was brought to light in a variety of ways…when I put sink dish soap in the dishwasher and bubbles exploded everywhere, when I lost out on a job, and when a …

Love + Fear: When I Became a Mother

Preface:  This small story is my attempt to convey, in words, the emotions that occur in those first days after having a baby. Yet there are no words that exist to fully elucidate what those feelings are truly like…    From the moment my daughter met the outside world, I was a changed human being. That’s what happens when you give birth for the first time.. you change in a way that is total,  immediate, and undeniably profound.  There are absolutely no words to describe the feeling of looking at, holding, your very first child for the very first time.  It is all of life in a single moment.  It is love, wrapped up in fear, wrapped up in love.   It is transcendent. Those first few days were so intense.  The breastfeeding, the love and the worry.  The physical discomfort. It’s a mixture of the physical alterations of your own body and the mental saturation of processing so many new emotions, all while having this entirely new human being to care for.  Your body …