All posts tagged: change

Be Here Now*

    I’m sitting in a kitchen in a tiny old apartment in Sandanski, Bulgaria.  It’s about 1:32 pm here, sunny and warm outside.  My cousin-in-law is sitting on the bed next to me (beds in kitchens are occasionally a thing here, really cool), and we’re listening to retro 80’s music on my phone while working on our computers. I haven’t felt this relaxed in a long, long time.  We came here a week ago, just me and my two girls.  A special 6-week vacation to stay with my husband’s family (he is back at home, holding down the fort like a champion, making us all miss him awfully).  It is also a chance for me to disconnect from all the maddening stress that had been stalking me for many months at home.  The combination of being sick and having sick babies for weeks on end, since February, with barely a breather between each new illness, and my constant companion of allergies so fierce they make my brain feel like cooked squash, was wearing me …

When No Means Yes

At the time, I thought all of these situations meant that I was failing and falling and making the wrong decisions but now I see all of these “roads not taken” as the ones that led me here to a life that I am totally in love with (and falling more in love with everyday). I had to feel what DIDN’T work for me to find out what makes me soar.

Why is my wife dressed like Joey Ramone? When quitting is a decision.

  I don’t know about you, but I have never needed encouragement to think more or live in my head. “Dig in…analyze your every thought…value your own opinion more…focus on yourself…” all unnecessary statements. I never forget those. They come easy. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to do these less. For awhile, I was succeeding somewhat. I was on my medicine, following through with commitments mostly, anxiety was at a low. It’s hard to discern whether living in my head is a cause or effect of the anxiety. (I don’t mean I could reason my way out from under the anxiety, i.e., mind over matter, I just know the two are linked somehow for me). People have different issues that go along with their anxiety I guess. Mine aren’t very interesting or unique…people-pleaser, overwhelmed easily, food issues, difficulty with communication and conflict, blah blah blahty blah. You’ve heard it all before. Anyway, this is a time when my issues came to a head, and I had to make a hard decision. —– …