I’m sitting here holding on to my enormous belly, thinking a stream of words running rapidly through my mind… I am 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, only 11 days until due date, I need to be ready, I am ready, I’m not ready, I’m so excited and so tired and everything hurts and I can’t bend over without grunting and squatting…
…unfinished piece I wrote last summer, when I traveled alone with my two daughters to stay in Bulgaria for 6 weeks with our family…. “I don’t know if it’s a real thing or not, but I recognize it as existing every time I travel anywhere new (or even not-so-new). It’s the feeling you get when you’re on vacation and under the spell of being released from your daily stressors and the repetition of routine. That feeling of wonderment at all of life around you– the buildings, cars, people, streets, food…
Here are some fantastic women I’ve been listening to while I work from home lately….
I have no idea half the time. No idea how to get there, how to make time work in my favor, how to be a really good mother, how to make money. How to stick to one thing until it’s “successful”, whatever in gods name that means. I don’t know when is the right time to speak up, or if speaking up is what is best for me and my family (b/c as a mother I’m pre-programmed for my concern to reach beyond myself, it’s unstoppable), or if writing is worth the time to do it. The less time you spend working on something the less quality you’ll reap from it, but the greater the honesty of that thing will be. What a trade-off. I don’t know when my mind will catch up to my calendrical age and start to think less emotionally and more like a calm Buddhist monk, something I desire like a child wants cheap plastic toys for Christmas. Or how to stop being dependent on sugar to make me feel just …
The Wing’s new location, Lenny Letter books, Glass knitting, female metalsmiths, and two of the best blogs on the internet…
Tuesday, July 11, 6:29am, Haskovo, Bulgaria.
Sounds and sights from the balcony…A row of black socks on a clothes line,
One red wall amongst brown,
The sound of pigeon feathers, flapping wings,
A sheet with yellow and white stripes stretched out to dry….
I’m sitting in a kitchen in a tiny old apartment in Sandanski, Bulgaria. It’s about 1:32 pm here, sunny and warm outside. My cousin-in-law is sitting on the bed next to me (beds in kitchens are occasionally a thing here, really cool), and we’re listening to retro 80’s music on my phone while working on our computers. I haven’t felt this relaxed in a long, long time. We came here a week ago, just me and my two girls. A special 6-week vacation to stay with my husband’s family (he is back at home, holding down the fort like a champion, making us all miss him awfully). It is also a chance for me to disconnect from all the maddening stress that had been stalking me for many months at home. The combination of being sick and having sick babies for weeks on end, since February, with barely a breather between each new illness, and my constant companion of allergies so fierce they make my brain feel like cooked squash, was wearing me …
“All things in the wild are wild things, and humbled by wilderness.
made to eat,
to be eaten…”
“None of them were like me.
All of them were like me.
They gave me no answers;
Just sure, maybe…”
No one ever said it would be easy. But good grief I didn’t think it’d be so hard.
Just life. The grown-up part of it. Now. Being post-30, with children, attempting to continue to make your own path.
Thoughts and words for a new year
“The night before my 40th birthday in July earlier this year, I set my alarm. I knew precisely what song I wanted to ease me into my extraordinary year of 40.
I had forgotten that the song starts with a few measures of a brassy and slightly drunken sounding version of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture, but since I’ve spent the last 39 years conquering insecurity, fear, and doubt, a triumphant war song seemed more than appropriate….”
“…As we presently witness the world turning over itself socially and politically, my teacher’s words have never resonated more deeply. Do you want to be part of the chatter and noise or do you want to take action?”
We are sharing episode #4 of our podcast today!! We recorded this episode in June, which feels like forever ago, but the content within is timeless and is sure to offer a pleasant respite from the mania of the current political news stream.
“Part of the magic of boxcar+muse is how Emily and I each arrived at a crossroads on separate journeys and found each other there—at the intersection of idea, opportunity, love, and bravery.”
“I spent the last six weeks climbing a mountain in the form of some of the most difficult, emotional, and challenging work I’ve ever had the privilege of undertaking and I have a message for you: You MUST Pamper Yourself at any cost or even at no cost. You must.”
“…ultimately it’s about how you define success or failure. For me, success is found in the process; success is found in the satisfaction of completing a task or reaching a goal, no matter how tiny….”
“I was teaching a class the other day and we were holding a warrior standing pose. The women in the class looked at me like what the eff? Why are you making us do this?… We laughed about how people think yoga is supposed to be all unicorns and sunshines and roses.”
A quick little mix of picks to give you kicks. Love Thread, T.Rump, felted art, flip the script, Gawk, and Lena talk.
Thoughts on self, desires, motherhood, and a palazzo in Italy….
“In a nutshell (pistachio, if you will, because I like idiomatic specificity), I discovered last month that I am as relevant now as I ever was and that my time is better spent listening to and helping people who have never been given relevance to lose.”
As we embark on a new chapter in women’s history by nominating the first female to the highest office in the land, I want to look back and thank some of the women who made this moment possible.
I still feel frustrated and small in the grand scheme of things sometimes….But if I give in to that cynicism, then I am discounting….the power of my own impact, and closing my eyes to a vast mystery of faith.
We say we want to know why, but do we ask the right questions?
“About three weeks ago I paid a professional to…wait for it…make me a blonde.
Oh, friends, I was going to write about how liberating it is, how fun it has been to look different, how confident it makes me feel, and all the heads I’ve been turning! I mean, relevance-shmelevance: THIS BLONDE IS on FIRE!”
those steep hills
to where you sat
on the bench
in the valley…
Boob-flashing, UK politics, 7-year-old Mountaineer, birth stories and maternal activism through art…
“Thank you to all of the men who have impacted my life: my boyfriends, my best friends, my teachers and my mentors. Thank you to the fellas who broke my heart, which in so many ways made me stronger. Thank you for the life lessons, the tears, the smiles, the growth, and the encouragement…”
“Your hands like well worn leather weather storms of tears and rain streaked with creases of worry, time and circumstance….”
“Here it’s just us. You sitting on the sofa, I nestled in close beside your warm, tired body. Together we sit. There is no need for conversation in these moments, only the need to get just a little bit closer, to snuggle in a tiny bit more…”
“Nine years and eleven months ago I was married, trying in vain to conceive, living in Los Angeles, both of my parents and my grandmothers were still alive and I had never flown over seas before even though I’d been dreaming about it since as early as I can remember…”
A collection of stories and videos that hopefully make you want to stand up and cheer for all of the crazy cool women out there making a difference and making it a fantastic time to be alive!
My Mom has always been there and even though we have had the typical mother/daughter tension, I am realizing at this moment that it was usually during the times when I didn’t love myself and found it hard to understand how someone could love me unconditionally. I still will not understand the depth of her love until I have one of my own but I know that I am one of the lucky ones…”
“I was very uneducated for my first birth. I knew I wanted a natural birth but didn’t know my facts–I ended up with a c-section with her as she was breeched. Right after having her I knew I wanted a vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean), and automatically began to research and educate myself…”
“…In the middle of our conversation Martha Burgess walked in to pick up some books she ordered, and the rest is history. Our friendship began that day. She looked me up and down and said, Yeah you are one of us…It will be 10 years this coming November since that day…”
“As I have gotten older, I have come to appreciate not only my mother’s will and grit and sense of humor, but the fact that she is always there at the end of the battle. It doesn’t matter if that battle is between us when I was an angsty teenager or when the battle was losing someone we loved. She is there…”
“My mom will do anything for her children. If you are feeling down, she will break out in song and dance in the middle of a grocery store just to make you laugh. I think of her, and I smile knowing that she is the perfect balance of business and motherhood. She works hard for what she has, and I feel proud to call her mine…”
“Strength and beauty for me are often intertwined, since I find strength beautiful and I usually find strength in most women. The idea of a woman is beautiful to me. They are beautiful to draw, and they are beautiful in their strength…”
The usual mix of womany-things that bring joy to my week! Ascent of Woman, Juliette Lewis Rocks, Body Art, Recycled Fashion, Anjelica Huston, Gloria Steinem, and mooooore… 😀
I’ve spent too much of my thirties and twenties worried about what others think of my body. Is it thin enough? Is it too thin? Why do I have cellulite even when I’m almost fifteen pounds underweight?…ENOUGH! If you saw a picture of me, you’d likely want to punch me in the face! I’m lovely but more importantly, I’m healthy….”
It’s so hard to find the words to tell you how grateful I am to have you as my mom. How does one tie up with a neat verbal bow so much love?…
“There was that tree
off in the distance,
so eyes kept
to that altar,
pondering its intention….”
“I’m afraid to let go of my work-life because I don’t want to fall behind… I don’t want to let it go. I want to be that super-mom who can keep running her business from home and stay on top of everything like a mythical goddess. But that ain’t gonna happen…”
“Imagine the number of people who, by just growing food, could support their families. Imagine if all of our local restaurants were able to source almost everything locally, or there is a market in everyone’s neighborhood. Imagine our children eating school lunches that have been sourced local and are free of chemicals…”
Happpyyyyyy Earth Month (which in my opinion should be every month!!) I really hope that you enjoy this compilation of stories, articles and videos of women, families, companies and organizations that LOVE Mother Earth. On Earth Day, April 22nd 2016, let’s all commit to doing just a little more to help care for and respect this amazing planet that we call home. It’s truly up to us.