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What I don’t do won’t kill me (?)

I have no idea half the time. No idea how to get there, how to make time work in my favor, how to be a really good mother, how to make money. How to stick to one thing until it’s “successful”, whatever in gods name that means. I don’t know when is the right time to speak up, or if speaking up is what is best for me and my family (b/c as a mother I’m pre-programmed for my concern to reach beyond myself, it’s unstoppable), or if writing is worth the time to do it. The less time you spend working on something the less quality you’ll reap from it, but the greater the honesty of that thing will be. What a trade-off. I don’t know when my mind will catch up to my calendrical age and start to think less emotionally and more like a calm Buddhist monk, something I desire like a child wants cheap plastic toys for Christmas. Or how to stop being dependent on sugar to make me feel just …