Author: tessgamboa

Reflections

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest … even the first few months have proven to be challenging. Often, we write about the peaks of our relationship milestones, but in the in-between — “in the meantime” — there are valleys you dip into, plateaus you endure and straight up sheer cliffs you fall off of from time to time. And these are the times when you have to face things, walk the plank, stare at your own reflection … and deal.

Wake Up Call: A Working Mom’s Struggle to Juggle

I am your mother.  And I can barely keep a houseplant alive.  And it’s a miracle this mutt I rescued ten years ago is still alive but I think, in fact, it was he that rescued me.  There he is, snoring at the foot of the bed as we two gals cuddle in it, in the early morning hours after your father has left for work.  The miracle mutt.  The miracle baby.  And me.  So maybe I am the miracle.  Yes.  It’s a miracle that I am your mother. This morning in the early AM light that filters through the curtains, I can make out the profile of your perfect face.  It is like my soul silhouetted in soft folds of chubby cherub cheeks and pudgy fingers wrapped around my own. But it is your breath.  Baby’s breath.  It takes my own breath away.  I am so close to you as you sleep.  Closerthanthis.  Nose-to-nose and I drink in every perfect little puff you sigh my way as you slumber.  Baby’s breath more precious than you know.  Because I have lost one before.  A baby whose heart stopped, who never took a breath …

A Pregnant Pause

I was pregnant….  And then, I wasn’t.   All these years later, with a happy and healthy 11-month-old baby girl crawling, drooling and climbing all over me, I’m finally ready to write about what happened … how my husband and I had a miscarriage and marriage within weeks of each other in 2011.       I left during my lunch break.  It was an OBGYN/doctor’s appointment at 10 weeks.  Unfortunately, my husband was out of town, shooting a show on-location outside Chicago.  My “work husband” Jeff watched me rush out of the office and asked “should I drive you?  You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”  I reassured him, “no,” that it was just routine blood work and an ultrasound to hear the heartbeat.  Why I insisted on going alone I still can’t quite answer to this day, years later.  There was Jeff, and any number of other friends, that offered to and gladly would have accompanied me that day.  But for whatever reason, I chose to go by myself. I was driving mid-day west down Sunset, enjoying the California sunshine and …