8 September, 2016. Thursday. Late morning.
The theme this month is “Nothing is Easy”. I know that sounds kind of like a cop-out, because it totally is.
I’ll restate what I wrote on our Theme of the Month page: I am tired this month. So tired. As a mother of two I am only beginning to understand the true reality of being a working mother. Everything, both large and small, feels like a challenge. But even if I had no kids– heck, even if I was single— still, nothing is easy. That’s not to say that there is no joy or thrill to the pursuit of something, but it is to defend the idea that “there is nothing worth pursuing that isn’t hard as all heck”. Or something like that.
Nothing is Easy. It is mostly true. I sit here in my office every weekday, working and wondering if the work that I’m doing is the right work. Sometimes I think about this blog and I can’t believe I’m still doing it. Can’t believe anyone is still doing it with me. There is just so much content out there in the world. So many stories, blogs, people trying to share their own voice. So many distractions and pulls on your attention. It’s hard to stay focused, and even harder to occasionally close out the noise of the world to be able to focus on one thing, and bring it to completion. The rapid-fire of social media sucks the very life from me some days (it’s such a complex relationship there. I am at once exhausted by it and endlessly inspired by it. I adore the beautiful art, creative photography, personal family photos and random life updates which offer a respite from the drone of sameness that has become so prevalent).
I am in the middle of a process right now. Some kind of slow understanding of what it means to dedicate yourself to something that may succeed or may fail. I am constantly re-evaluting my actions, my work, my way of approaching it all. But ultimately it’s about how you define success or failure. For me, success is found in the process; success is found in the satisfaction of completing a task or reaching a goal, no matter how tiny. Every morning I have about an hour to work in peace and quiet, and I must decide if I will work on my business, work on my blog, or take care of one of the thousand-and-one items that seem to reside on every grown person’s to-do list (wash dishes, do laundry, deal with insurance, schedule dental work, organize digital photos, deal with returning some crap thing purchased from eBay/Amazon/insert any company name here, read news, read something funny to recuperate from reading news, read emails, respond to emails, deal with junk mail (both actual and virtual), vow to unsubscribe from every email list ever signed up for (or didn’t) , etc. etc. and so on).
Ah, but there are days and moments, so many moments, when I feel like I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing. When I’m on a roll! When I’m utterly focused on the task at hand. When I connect with another individual through work. When I receive an email or text from a friend that makes my entire day, and sends my heart and soul into the sky. All these things are like precious fruit found among the brambles.
And now my hour is nearly up… time to gently wake my sleeping baby and give her a million smooches, put her in the carseat and drive to school where my toddler will give me the biggest hug and make me forget absolutely everything I just wrote about here. Isn’t life just a hoot?
Art at top: Painting colour experiment, when I used to have time for such frivolity.