Our Stories / Thoughts / Opinions, recent
Comments 5

When No Means Yes

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find…you get what you need.” – Rolling Stones

If you are like me, you are scared of the word no.  You don’t want to hear that you can’t do something or that feeling of rejection when something you want so badly is refused or worse, taken away.  I looked at the word “no” like that for so many years.  Then…something shifted.

I use to be petrified of failing, I am a people pleaser after all and any mistake, misstep, or rejection could leave me reeling for days or even years (yep!).  I would say yes to almost anything for fear of disappointing someone or “missing a chance.” I don’t recommend this type of existence.  This type of existence bites the big one and means that you get yourself into situations where you are overloaded, overwhelmed and overstressed.  I lived like that for a long time and I knew I wasn’t happy and in my mind I failed A LOT.  I turned down projects that then went on to be huge successes, I hurt amazing, loving and incredible people by staying in relationships too long, I got into really bad relationships and refused to let go even though I knew I should, I tried to prove my worth by being the “good girl” and then would disappoint in spite of doing all I could NOT TO disappoint.  At the time, I thought all of these situations meant that I was failing and falling and making the wrong decisions but now I see all of these “roads not taken” as the ones that led me here to a life that I am totally in love with (and falling more in love with everyday).  I had to feel what DIDN’T work for me to find out what makes me soar.  I had to experience that loss, that sadness, that regret and that guilt to realize how I don’t want to feel.  Which makes my current state of joy that much more satisfying.  I had no idea that the things that didn’t work out would push me on a path that lead me away from home to a big, amazing city (where I tried on many different hats) and then to Mobile, AL where I am the happiest I have ever been.  Who knew??  Who freaking knew?  Not me.

IMG_1905

In closing, I share my own profound “Elizabeth Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love experience. If you know the book maybe you will recognize it, if you haven’t read the book then read it and get back to me. 🙂  I had just made one of the most difficult decisions of my life and had to have a really hard talk with someone that I loved very much.  The conversation abruptly ended and I wanted so badly to run after him, to say that I had made a mistake and that I was sorry.  This would have been the “comfortable” thing for me to do and this decision would have taken me down a very specific path.  A loud and VERY clear voice inside me said “stay, just stay right here…this is for YOUR future self …and his greater good.” That phrase kept repeating in my head until I cried myself to sleep.  I knew that the satisfaction I would feel to ease the pain in the moment would be detrimental to all that I was working on for my future and that my future self was speaking to me.  It was incredibly difficult but it was a pivotal moment in my growth and I share that with the hope that someone else may need to hear those words too.

My life is fuller and richer because of the “no’s” that I have experienced and the things that didn’t work out.  Now, whenever I feel regret or a case of the “should haves”, I look at my life and know that it looks exactly as I always dreamed it would…and it’s only getting better!

*

 


Disclaimer – title not to be confused with when no means NO

Featured image via Pinterest (artist unknown)

5 Comments

  1. Tara Tona says

    Thank you for opening up in such a raw and inspiring way dear Jamie!! I think these kinds of experiences are so relatable for so many of us, and it is comforting to be reminded that we are not alone in the tough choices we face in life. My favorite part is this: ” I had to feel what DIDN’T work for me to find out what makes me soar.” Ahhh, so so beautiful. Love your spirit and your words. ❤

    Like

  2. Thank you for sharing!! It is so wonderful that we can all open up to each other through PW.. I feel like I know you even though I have never met you ❤

    And now that song is stuck in my head.. Ive been singing it to my kids all morning.
    Richie asked for some chocolate milk and Rolling stones was my response 😉

    Like

    • Hahahaha. This response made me so happy! I feel the same way and I love that I am getting to know you through your incredible stories. Thank you for YOU!

      Like

  3. I love this piece and I am so proud of you for letting your new chapter of life unfold under your feet. It fits you so well and you are thriving. It’s comforting to hear that you had to struggle to find your way and define your own path, as many of us are doing now!

    Like

    • Britt!! This means so much to me. Thank you for these kind words. You have been my rock and my soul sister through many of these experiences and my life would look very different had I not had your love and support. Thank you for being an incredible friend!! One of the best in the whole world. Love you!!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s