Where do I even begin?
First, a major shoutout to Tara for giving me the opportunity to write for this unbelievable place that she has created for women. A spot that is going to empower women and give us the best knowledge and vibes for the week.. or probably even the month.. who am I kidding, hopefully FOREVER. I was very nervous to write my first entry for Project:Women. I mean, the last time I was asked to write I was a senior in high school! However, the difference here is that THIS is personal. I was actually on someone’s mind to write because my opinions and thoughts want to be heard! And bonus – this blog is the biggest opportunity to write for the best audience: WOMEN!
Those who know me would probably laugh at my line above “..the last time I was asked to write I was a senior in high school” They would say, “Wasn’t that a couple of years ago?” And I would giggle because it totally was! Actually, it was five years ago, but close enough. I feel like I must be completely honest with you from the beginning– I am twenty-two. Yes, you read that right, a mere 22 years old. Sigh… now let me just get it out there: I am 22, happily married, and I have TWO babies (A wild toddler and a feisty baby girl). Now, before you decide to not read any further because I am so young and naive to the big world of adults and babies, please give me the chance to tell you a little more about myself as a mom, wife, and woman.
My husband is 28 (I feel as if that is important so that you don’t think that we are two insane little kids) and we fell madly in love about four years ago. It was (and still is) that passionate kind of love that every girl dreams of – fights and all 😉 Shortly after we moved in together, those two scary pink lines showed up one morning as I stood panicked over my toilet. I couldn’t even tell you how it felt when I found out I was pregnant; scared, nervous, anxious, happy, SO MANY different and totally normal emotions.. but I was 19! I was waiting tables and putting myself through my first year of college. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my own life- how am I supposed to raise a baby?? Speed things up nine emotional months and I was married with the chunkiest baby boy I had ever laid eyes on. Rolls on top of rolls, my little boy was so SQUISHY…I always get distracted when I think about his fluff.
To say that motherhood was hard is the understatement of the year. I felt so alone. My mom worked, my husband was deployed, my friends were out at bars, and the other half of my family lived in an entirely different state. Every one of us moms has had those nights when things get rough and you feel as if life is going on without you. It is a completely rational mom-bomb; when you catch yourself binge eating cookies and browsing Facebook for hours looking at people with fabulous lives and the t-shirt that you are wearing still has baby spit up on it.. We have all been there. Anyway, If that didn’t already make things hard enough, I had the toughest time going out in public. People looked at me (and still do) as if I was a sad teenager who was knocked up. I cannot tell you how many crazies would ask “Do you have a good relationship with the father?” What the F! I just desperately wanted to wear a shirt that read Happily Married. Yes, there are many teenagers who have babies but that doesn’t mean that it’s a sad thing. “Teen Mom” may not be ideal, but it is an exhilarating oopsies. And hey, she might not have the best relationship with the father but maybe it isn’t wise to remind her. I had a lady in an airport once ask me, “Weren’t you on an episode of 16 and Pregnant?” I laughed (screaming on the inside) and told her that she was very flattering because she thought I was four years younger. I know women who are embracing motherhood at 40! Some people think that is too old.. it’s not; it is exciting. Any mother will tell you, there really is never a right time to have a baby. I just happened to get started really early. At the end of the day I have the best kids and the best husband and I am as happy and tired as any mother at any age. I’ve learned to stand strong, and just accept that I look like a tattooed nanny. Yes, I have tattoos (which doesn’t help my “young mom” case) but I will touch on that next time.
I am currently a stay-at-home mom and let me just tell you, I give women who stay at home with their little ones extraordinary amounts of credit. I get stir-crazy. I start to lose my mind and getting things done gets harder and harder everyday. I have an enormous urge to do BIG things work-wise. I want to get myself out of the house but I have the hardest time deciding WHAT TO DO. Over time I have taken many steps forward, but I always take a step back and think to myself, “Is that really worth leaving my kids for a full day?”. I tried a stay at home job.. that was a major flop. Work mixed with crying, spills, and toys everywhere.. Yeah, I pretty much lost my mind. I find myself craving more than snuggles and fort building. I need something. I want to thrive at a career, a hobby, or anything that gives me the opportunity to be ME. I want to learn who I am because I get so caught up in my kids and who they are that I have lost focus on myself and my dreams.
I think that as women we hold so many titles. We are nurturers, so naturally we want to stay at home and to be the only ones to care for our children. We are independent, so we have that desire to be total badasses at something. We all need at least ONE thing that lights our fire. Whether you can rock the hell out of photography or you are a phenomenal gardener, an expert at yoga, or an entrepreneur. Every single one of us should have that one thing that we can stand up and say “You know what, I can kick ass at ___!” and I am saying to you ladies now, because I am so pumped about it, that I WILL find my niche. And I hope that you do! If you don’t have one, FIND ONE. If you have one, SHARE it. I want to hear about you amazing women. There are so many of us out there and we all deserve to be awesome at something. We need to encourage, and inspire each other to be knowledgeable, empowered, badass women, and there is no greater project than ourselves. This is the place for it. And I am so thrilled to be on this journey with you!